I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
