Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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