Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
