I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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