it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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