Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
