So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
