Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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