Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
