I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
