:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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