Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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