dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
