Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
