I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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