This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize