it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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