I CAN MOONWALK!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
