I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ok first of all what the fuck
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
