Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
