even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
