your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
