I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
