just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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