I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
