he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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