dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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