I wish I could teleport
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
