Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
