I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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