I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize