Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
