He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
