If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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