Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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