I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
