we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
