I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize