Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
