I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
