too bad you live with your parents still
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
