Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
