dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
