the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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