Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My boob is missing a layer of skin
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
