the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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