What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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