How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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