Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
