Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
