My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm at about main and main street
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
