so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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