who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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