Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
