How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize