this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
