he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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