it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize