a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
