It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is Oprah even human
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
