Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
