i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize