Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
