Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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