You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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