2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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