he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
