How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
