I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
