Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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