That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Found your dick twin last night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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