you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
