I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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