Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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