Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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