Duck Duck Cougar?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
