I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
