Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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