i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
