i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize