he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love you. Go after that dick
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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