So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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