The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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