You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
