no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
