she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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