So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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