I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
