i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Green mimosas i think yes
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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