tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
