Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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