like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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