it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
