Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
